


Avon's Soliloquy

by Sondra



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Filk, Gen, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-26
Updated: 2011-08-26
Packaged: 2017-10-23 02:10:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/245087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sondra/pseuds/Sondra





	Avon's Soliloquy

                 (A B7 filk based on the parallel soliloquies  
                 of Valjean and Javert from _Les Miserables_ )

                                    Season One

  Why am I here, just tell me, why am I here?  
  What sort of madness is this, to join a man I should jeer?  
  When there's nothing inside me but coldness and hate  
  And unspoken regret at the turn of my fate,  
  A fate that was sealed when I let myself fall  
  For the charms of a woman, then gambled it all...  
   
  If there's another way to go,  
  I missed it many long years ago.  
  My life's been a struggle for safety and wealth,  
  I had swindled the system with cunning and stealth...  
  I accept that they wanted me dead.  
  But they caught her and killed her instead.

                                    Season Two

           So why have I allowed this man  
           To teach my slumbering soul to wake?  
           He treated me like any other,  
           He gave me respect, he called me brother.  
           My life he'd claim for all mankind--  
           How can this be?  
           For I had come to scorn the world,  
           This world that feared and hated me.

           Call nobody your friend.  
           Turn your heart into stone.  
           That's the code I have lived by;  
           That is all I have known.

           If he had clung to reason's way,  
           My freedom would be gone today.  
           Instead he hoped when hope was dying;  
           I feel his daring pierce me like a knife.  
           He told me that he trusted me--  
           Right from the start.  
           What passion comes to rule my life?  
           What is this stirring in my heart?  
    
           I am reaching, but I fall--  
           And the night is closing fast  
           As I stare into the void  
           Through the whirlpool of my past...  
           But I gave the man my word,  
           And my word becomes my fate:  
           I will do as I have promised;  
           Other plans will have to wait.

  
                                   Season Three

  Who is this man, what sort of devil is he  
  To have me caught in his trap, to never let me go free?  
  It was my hour at last to have it finished and done,  
  Stop playing the rebel, end this life on the run.  
  All it would take was my share of those jewels,     
  Find a safe planet--but he somehow changed the rules...

  Damned if I'll live in an idiot's debt!  
  Damned if I'll serve his irrational schemes!  
  I live by mind, and my mind won't surrender:  
  I will not follow this idealist's dreams!  
  Where he gives, it is my way to take.  
  I am Avon--I cannot be Blake!

  
                                   Season Four

            So why do I permit this man  
            To hold dominion over me?  
            This desperate man whom I have searched for...  
            He twisted my life, disturbed my conscience.  
            I should have left him long ago--  
            It was my right.  
            It is my right to leave him now--  
            But now I find I don't know how.

            And my thoughts fly apart:  
            Can this man be believed?  
            Shall our game start all over--  
            Or have I been deceived?

            And must I now admit defeat  
            Who never yielded all these years?  
            My heart is stone and still it quivers,  
            Beset by doubt, reduced to shivers...  
            Is he a liar or a saint?  
            And can he tell  
            That with his loathsome, wretched trust  
            This man's condemned us both to hell.

            I am reaching, but he falls  
            As he slips out of my hands.  
            There's forgiveness in his eyes  
            Where I only saw demands...  
            I'll escape now from those eyes,  
            From the mercy of Roj Blake:  
            Let the troopers open fire,  
            Let them wipe out my mistake!


End file.
